


You Shattered Me

by SexySourAlpha



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Derek is so wrong guys but he cant see it, First Time, Hurt!Stiles, I plan on making this pretty long, M/M, Self Harm, There is a happy ending!, jealous!Derek, possesive!derek
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-20
Updated: 2013-05-06
Packaged: 2017-11-19 03:44:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/568716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SexySourAlpha/pseuds/SexySourAlpha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek broke Stiles when he left. Broke him more than he thought was possible. </p><p>Now he wants Stiles back, but it may be too late.</p><p>(This some sad shit y'all....)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Please Go

“Derek you can’t just…you can’t just _come back_ and try to be apart of my life!” Stiles turns away, walking back into the house halfheartedly swinging the door shut behind him. Derek puts his foot in the door and steps in the Stilinski house after him.

“Stiles I-“

“You WHAT?! Derek?” Stiles was yelling so loud his voice echoed off of the walls in the moderately sized living room. Derek knitted his brows together and stepped back. He’d never seen Stiles so upset before, so angry. Not that he didn't have a right to be.

“You really fucking think, that after all this time you can just show up and I’ll be here waiting for you!? Well guess what Derek I-“

Derek interrupts, “Stiles if you would just fucking listen!”

Stiles takes a step towards Derek and looks him in the face, his eyes glassy with oncoming tears. “Oh, so…so _now_ you’re ready to speak? It took two years for you to actually WANT to talk Derek? For you to decide you want me as badly as I want- _wanted_ you?”

 

Derek licked his lips and looked away. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. He had left Beacon Hills and went back to New York. He wasn’t good for Beacon Hills. Not good for Scott, Allison, Isaac, Erica… _shit_ _even Jackson_. But most of all he wasn’t good for Stiles. Stiles was too young, he didn’t know what he wanted. Sure he said he wanted Derek; he’d even said he loved Derek. He wasn’t speaking with his brain; he was a hormonal teenager saying whatever he needed to say, to keep what he felt like he needed.

 But Derek needed Stiles. The two years he stayed in New York were torture. He couldn’t sleep, he was never hungry. He was even more moody than he already knew himself to be. Lashing out at any, and everyone around him. He left Stiles to make things better but only made things worse for himself. So he came back, he knew Stiles would be waiting for him.

Apparently he was wrong.

 “Derek, I don’t want to talk. I cried and I begged you to talk to me… _to stay with me_. And you made a choice to move on. Told me I had to move on because you didn’t love me. So…” he looked down and his tears fell “I moved on, like you told me Derek”.

“In two years Stiles? See…” he turned and began walking towards the front door “I knew I wasn’t what you needed…I was right.”

Stiles wiped his red puffy eyes and threw his hands up in the air.

“What Derek? You told me to move on from you. You said…you said, that you didn’t love me!” that we’d _never_ be together.” His body shook with those last words, the veins in his arm bulging as he flexed his fingers.

 

“Yeah. And I guess I was right…” Derek opened the front door and was going to leave before Stiles said something that burned him up inside. That made him slam the door and stomp back over to stand in front of the younger man.

“You- you fucking bastard…I- I waited a whole year for you to comeback.” Stiles fist balled up at his side and he looked away. “You fucked me. And left. When you didn’t comeback-I…I gave up…on _everything_.”

“You did what?” Derek said eyes glowing red. _Stiles wouldn’t_.

“I was broken Derek…you shattered me…into a thousand pieces” Stiles tried to turn away and Derek grabbed his shoulder pulling him back. “What did you do Stiles?”

 

Stiles rubbed his wrist and shook his head. “Just go Derek…fucking go”.

Derek’s eyes zeroed in on his wrist, he grabbed Stiles’ arm and lifted the sleeve of his shirt up. Stiles had a wide lengthy scar going across his wrist. It was completely healed and wasn’t pigmented. But the skin was risen and would always be that way. Ruined.

Stiles snatched his arm away and frowned at Derek. “Get the fuck off me!”

“Stiles, what the hell did you do!” Derek shouted pointing to Stiles wrist.

 A different voice broke through the bubble Stiles and Derek had created around themselves.

“What’s going on here?”; a tall, short haired, blonde young man who looked to be around the same age as Stiles was standing in the middle of the foyer holding two brown grocery bags to his chest. His muscles were bulging slightly at his shirt from holding the bags. His green eyes narrowed back and forth between Derek and Stiles.

“Nothing, he was just leaving” Stiles, said sniffling and wiping his eyes. “Goodbye Derek.”

 Derek wiped his face in frustration and folded his arms. “Is this him Stiles? What you’ve moved on to?” he said nodding his head towards the young man who was still standing in the foyer. A slight draft blew by and Derek growled. He had smelled a new scent on Stiles but ignored it seeing as though he’d been gone for two years. But when he smelt the same scent, but slightly stronger, coming from the young man, his wolf felt a challenge.

 “Derek _don’t”_ Stiles whispered looking up from under his wet lashes at the grimacing werewolf.

“Who the fuck are you?” Derek asked the young man who was now placing the bags down on the small table in the corner.

“Whoa, ok. I’m Gabe. And who the fuck are you?” Gabe retorted folding his arms

“Gabe just…Gabe could you go upstairs for awhile?” Stiles almost whispered, solemnly smiling in his direction.

“No. Who’s this guy and why are you crying? Did he hurt you?” Gabe walked over to Stiles and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling his back into his chest. Derek’s eyes followed every movement. “Are you ok?” he mumbled in Stiles ear.

 

Derek grabbed Stiles’ arm and snatched him out of Gabe’s embrace. Gabe stumbled back in shock and Stiles had clearly had enough snatching his arm away again.

“I’m not yours anymore! Don’t you fucking see? I’ve moved on! You wanted me to and I did it. You can’t come back and decide when _you_ want things to change. You had me and you let me go. Please leave!”  Stiles was breathing heavily and Derek could hear his heart beating a mile a minute.

“You really want me to go?” He exhaled looking in Stiles’ furious eyes. He was no longer holding back his tears; they were streaming down his face as he nodded at Derek.

“Please go”

Derek looked at Gabe who was back to holding _his_ Stiles and kissing the back of _his_ head and glared at him; Gabe returned his glare and held _his_ Stiles closer.

 

“ _You’re still mine_ ” he whispered before turning and walking out the door.


	2. Angel

It had been a couple hours since Derek showed up on Stiles’ doorstep. Stiles had cleaned himself up and was now cooking dinner with Gabe. His dad had another 'wild day at work' and went straight to bed when he came home. But not before shouting “spaghetti” when Stiles’ asked what he should make.

Gabe always helped him in the kitchen, he could slice dice and spice like no other.

“Stiles could you pass me the Prego?” Gabe asked not looking away from the steaming noodles.

“Mhm” Stiles mumbled his mouth full of an ice cream sandwich he had snuck. Gabe hated when he ate junk food before dinner. _But come on_. It wasn’t like he wasn’t going to eat the spaghetti. Gabe brought his eyes to Stiles and frowned but it slowly slipped and brightened into a white smile.

“Stiles…come onnn, the almost done”

Stiles nodded and took another bite before throwing the sandwich into the freezer .

“It’s gone. It’s gone” he said mouth full and hands up in a surrendering gesture.

 

Gabe brought his bright green eyes down to Stiles mouth and snorted “You missed a spot”.

Stiles began to bring his hand up to wipe his mouth but Gabe stepped forward pulling his hand down, trapping Stiles between him and the counter. Licking the bit of ice cream off of Stiles' upper lip and sneaking a kiss. Stiles’ cheeks flushed pink and he looked away. Gabe frowned.

“What’s wrong?” he asked

“Nothing…” He went to move but Gabe kept him trapped between his body and the counter.

“Stiles…it’s not nothing. We still haven’t talked about it” he said, green eyes staring deep into Stiles’ honey brown.

Stiles gaped rapidly before shutting his mouth and scratching his head, his longer hair feeling soft and comforting under his fingertips.

“Talk about what? We have nothing to talk about. Yup. Nothing” he tried to close his eyes to avoid Gabe’s kicked panda eyes. Because kick pandas were definitely a thing.

“Stiles. Who was that guy? I gave you time alone and now it’s time that we talk about it.” Gabe said, sounding anxious.

“Gabe, I…don’t worry about it ok, just…could you move?”  he asked at last opening his eyes, staring up into the taller mans soft gaze.

“Stiles I’m not moving until you tell me who he was. Is…was that _Derek_?” Stiles felt a shiver go down his spine. He scratched the back of his neck and looked away.

“Gabe, please not now…”

Gabe exhaled through his nose and moved off of Stiles, pulling his 'Kiss Me I Cook' apron off and walking out the kitchen. Stiles’ eyes narrowed as he noticed Gabe was heading for the front door. He rushed up to stand in front of the door before Gabe could reach it.

“And where do you think you’re going? Just because- _fuck_ -…just because I’m not in the mood to discuss things right now?”

“Stiles you have _never_ ‘been in the mood’ to discuss things about _him_ ” Gabe spat out the last word like a bad taste in his mouth.

“Even after we got together, you still never told me about your past relationship, everyone seems to know about it but me. _The person who’s dating you_.” he flailed his arms slightly. Stiles was beginning to rub off on him.

“Gabe it’s a long story” Stiles sighed feeling the tears prickling at the back of his eyes. He _really_ didn’t want to cry again. But not wanting to almost seemed to make it worse.

“I’m willing to listen” Gabe said holding up Stiles’ chin to look in his eyes “I _want_ to listen”

Stiles bit his lip and pulled his head away. He could feel his adams apple getting thicker in his throat and his stomach churning. His heartbeat was picking up speed and his skin was itching with the forewarning of oncoming sweat.

“Gabe-fuck-...he hurt me ok _?Really bad_ , he _broke_ me. And-” his voice cracked and he looked down. He _really really_ didn’t want to cry again, but his body was betraying him. He rubbed his foot around in the imaginary dirt below him.

“And what?” Gabe asked, he _really actually cared_. Stiles felt his breath shortening; he didn’t want to lose anyone else. Stiles looked up, his eyes red and puffy again.

 

“And I didn’t want to talk about it with you. Because…even though he hurt me… _destroyed_ me, I _still_ love him” he moved from in front of the door and started walking towards the kitchen, stopping in the hallway to wipe at his eyes.

“I’ll understand your decision to leave me if you want. You deserve better. You’re an amazing guy…and gosh, you’re almost perfect. And you’re exactly what I need-“ Stiles paused.

 

“But I’m not what you want…” Gabe finished for him. Stiles felt hands wrapping around his waist and supple lips against his neck. He inhaled and exhaled slowly. He shook his head and slowly pulled Gabe’s hands off of him.

“You don’t have to stay. _You shouldn’t stay_ ” Stiles said calmly turning to face Gabe. _God he’s so perfect…_ Stiles thought to himself.

“I _want_ to stay Stiles” Gabe grabbed his shoulders and nuzzled the top of his head.                                              “I don’t care if you don’t want me, you need me. And hopefully after some time _you’ll want me too_. Stiles…I’m in love with you”. Gabe pulled him in closer. Stiles felt a single tear slide down his cheek. But it wasn’t for him.

 

No matter what Gabe did it would never be good enough, Stiles knew he would _never_ love him. _Could never love him._ He’d never stand a chance. He’d end up just like Stiles. Broken. Bruised…and shattered.

_Broken. Bruised…and shattered_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be longer I promise!
> 
> Same thing applies: Comments determine which fics I prioritize.


	3. Do You Trust Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Follow me...as I take us back....
> 
> PS. I have REALLY enjoyed your comments. They make me smile and give me feels! Keep them coming!

Stiles wakes up to a familiar knocking on his window. He smiles to himself, closes his laptop and goes to let Derek in. It’s pretty late, around two in the morning; but it’s Saturday so he’s up late surfing the web. He was talking to Scott on Skype, well, until Scott decided to go creep on Allison. He opened the window and turned to go back to his bed.

 

A hand grabbed his arm and spun him around; a rough hard kiss assaulting his lips. His brows almost made to crash together with how fast they knitted. He finally realized what was happening and he pushed back into the kiss. He felt a tongue, _Derek’s tongue_ , lick across his lips demanding entrance and he opened his mouth. He sucked and kissed into Derek’s warm mouth. Not knowing what to do with his hands he wrapped his arms around Derek’s neck. Derek ended the kiss with a slight lick and tug on his bottom lip.

 Stiles unhinged his arms and stepped back, he rubbed his lips softly with the pads of his fingers. They were puffy and sensitive. He licked his bottom lip and looked quizzically at Derek.

“What was that for? What’s the occasion? Like, I know I’m like… _irresistible_ and everything but, that was totally out of character. Not that I’m complaining because god...it was incredible” he flailed his arms around and fell backwards on his bed. He sat back up after he noticed Derek hadn’t said anything since he came in.

“Derek?” Derek was looking out the window into the woods facing towards Stiles’ house. Just standing there like a statue. Stiles got up and rubbed Derek’s back. “You ok?”

 

Derek turned around and cupped Stiles’ face in his hands, staring into his eyes. They stayed like that for a while. Staring into each others eyes. Stiles looking worried and Derek his typical indecipherable expression. A moment later Derek was kissing him again, but this time it was soft, _sweet_.

He was lightly kissing Stiles on each of his facial beauty marks, his chin, then back to his lips; all while taking steps forward, Stiles cooperatively stepping backwards until they fell into his bed.

 Any other moment Stiles’ mind would be going a mile a minute. He and Derek had made out before, but never like this. This meant something, this was more than one of their typical exchange of kisses. He exhaled shakily when he felt Derek’s hand slide into the back of his jeans and squeeze his ass.

Almost as if he was on auto-pilot he undid his pants and pulled them off. During that Derek must have found time to remove all his clothes, but Stiles never felt his lips leave.

 Derek was now kissing his jaw trailing down to his neck and licked at his collar bones. He slid his hands into Derek’s hair pulling his head back up and kissed him until Derek slipped back down kissing down his sternum to his navel. He let out a slight moan and turned his head away. He and Derek had never gone this far before.

“Derek…I…I don’t-”

“Shhhh…” Derek hushed against his hipbone

“Derek. I don’t know if-”

Derek looked up from were he was tracing over the slight definition on Stiles’ abdomen and reached up to turn Stiles’ head to his gaze. “Do you trust me Stiles?” it was almost a whisper. Stiles nodded and felt the tears in his eyes. _Why am I crying?_ “I trust you Derek”.

Derek nodded and reached up to pull Stiles’ briefs down off his hips. Stiles’ exhaled and shivered again. He felt so exposed, so _vulnerable_. He could feel Derek’s eyes examining every inch of his imperfect body. He had too many moles, he was so pale, too skinny, he wasn’t built like any of the other guys on the team. He looked up to stare at the ceiling.

“You’re perfect”

Stiles looked back down to see Derek looking towards him.

“No, I’m not Derek…don’t-”

Derek came up and placed another heavy kiss on Stiles lips before he could finish his sentence. He grabbed Stiles’ thigh softly, as if not to break him, lifting it slowly. Stiles didn’t even feel his leg being lifted, completely enamored with the kiss between him and Derek. The trance was broken when he felt a warm moist feeling on his entrance.

“I bought my own lube” Derek whispered in-between the kiss. Stiles just nodded and wrapped his legs around Derek’s waist.

He broke away from the kiss and grabbed at Derek’s shoulder when the first finger slipped inside him. His breathing hitched slightly. He and Derek stayed that way for a few minutes until he broke the silence.

“More…I can handle more”

The moonlight outside illuminated Derek’s face and made every angle that much more beautiful. Derek lifted a brow, Stiles heart fluttered.

“You sure?”

“Derek, I _want_ to do this…give me more.”

Derek’s eyes seemed to avert and sweep over the room but it was only for a moment. Stiles’ breathed out again when he felt two more fingers slowly penetrating his hole. When they were finally in, Derek moved them around until Stiles adjusted.

“Derek, I’m ready.” Stiles said looking up from under his lashes. They both looked like ivory statues with the white of the moon shining down on them.

 Derek nodded and pulled his fingers out. Stiles bit his lip and smirked. Derek was moving so slowly and carefully as if Stiles was a broken vase that he had broken and taped back together. “I’m not gonna break you big dummy” he said running his fingers through Derek’s thick black hair. Derek seemed to tense up slightly but it happened in a flash and Stiles missed it. He nodded and lined himself up with Stiles’ entrance and slowly pushed in.

 

Stiles’ almost forgot to breathe before he heard Derek telling him to. He inhaled and adjusted to the fullness inside of him. He felt himself flush from the chest up and looked away from Derek who was staring at him like he was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

“Derek…it’s so big…” he bit his bottom. _Come on Stiles’ now’s not the time to be modest!_

“Stiles…you’re so beautiful like this” Derek rocked forward and Stiles’ breathing hiccupped. Derek picked up a steady rhythm and started thrusting into Stiles who was now panting.

“Fuck…ah- Derek…I-don’t stop…please don't” _Yeah there we go buddy_

Derek leaned over and began snapping his hips into Stiles at a much faster pace. Pulling a bunch of profanities and loud moans from the boy.

Stiles’ dad was out working on another case of an “animal” attack and the entire precinct was working extra late tonight, so the moans were ok. The dirty talk was another story.

“Fuck Derek! Keep fucking me like that-ah- keep- fuck… _I fucking love you_ ” Stiles grunted, pushing back in sync with Derek’s thrust. Derek’s rhythm stuttered but he regained it in an instant.

“Fuck Stiles, I’m about to come” he went to pull out but Stiles wrapped his legs around Derek keeping him close.

“Come in me…I want you to do it in me” Stiles moaned. He was jerking himself off and by the looks of it he was pretty close to reaching his climax as well.

“Stiles I…” he stopped and just went back to thrusting into Stiles’ but these thrust were harder than all the other ones forcing grunts out of him; pushing the boy up up the bed.

“I’m coming! Der-fuck!” Stiles came all over himself and Derek. His muscles clenching around Derek's cock forced the orgasm out of him as well and he shot a large load deep inside of Stiles.

 

Derek fell back into the pillows on the bed and Stiles got up to wipe himself off. When Stiles returned he climbed into bed and placed his head on Derek’s chest, trailing his fingers around the deep carves of Derek’s chest. “I love you” he said turning to look up at Derek. He was practically grinning from ear to ear.

Derek’s frown wiped it off his face.

“Derek, what’s wrong?”

“You need to stop saying that”

Stiles brows knitted together. “What?”

“Stop saying you love me. You don’t.”

Stiles was frowning now, he sat up and looked at Derek for a long time before speaking.

“Derek, you know I love you, shit. _Everyone knows_ that I love you. What do you mean I don’t?”

“I knew this was a mistake, I should’ve just left”

Stiles got up off the bed completely this time and slipped back into his briefs. He wasn’t feeling so comfortable anymore. Something was extremely off. _What did Derek mean ‘he should’ve left?’_

 “Derek what are you talking about?” he was walking around to the other side of the bed watching Derek get dressed. “Where are you going?” Derek ignored him and was focusing on buttoning his pants. Stiles grabbed his hands and held them.

“Derek! Talk to me…please” he gazed into Derek’s eyes but he turned his head away.

“I’m going back to New York”

Stiles cocked his head, “Ok, you’ve gone before no big-”

“And I’m not coming back” he interrupted looking back at Stiles.

Stiles felt his heart drop, “Is it something I did? Derek is it something I said?”

 

Derek softly pulled Stiles’ hand off of him and reached for his shirt. He kept his eyes from the younger boys gaze. Stiles reached out to turn his head back and Derek grabbed his wrist.

“Don’t…don’t touch me _please_ Stiles”

“What the fuck do you mean don’t touch you? Newsflash, we just made love you idiot. That requires A LOT of touching.”

Derek let him go and mumbled something after slipping his shirt on over his head.

 

“What?” Stiles asked missing what the stubborn werewolf had said. Derek looked down at him and breathed heavily through his nose.

“I said we fucked. I _fucked_ you, you loved it and that was it. We didn’t-we didn’t make love” He bent down and started putting his boots on, still never looking at Stiles.

Stiles blinked and played what he just heard over and over again in his head.

“Derek… _what?_ ” his voice was beginning to crack.

“Stiles!” he said his name as if he was speaking to an intolerable kindergartener.  “I’m leaving. I came to say goodbye. But it was a mistake. I had fun with you and your friends but I’m leaving”

Stiles bit his bottom lip and rubbed his short hair frantically. Then suddenly the worry had turned to anger.

“ _Fun_? You had fun with me Derek? _That’s_ what you’re calling this? You’re fucking lying. You love me just as much as I love you!” he was shouting now.

“I don’t love you Stiles”

“Don’t say that! Don’t you fucking say that Derek! You don’t get to come here and do this to me. Why are you doing this to me?” he looked down at his trembling hands

Stiles didn’t know tears were flowing from his eyes until he was catching them in his palms. He looked up at Derek who was now definitely looking at him.

“Stiles, everything we’ve done…it’s been a mistake. Me ever coming back here was a mistake. I’m not needed here. So I’m leaving.” He looked away again

 

Stiles fell to his knees and sputtered, it felt like someone had punched him in the stomach.

“Derek I…I need you, please don’t, don’t go, please don’t go.” He begged.

“Stiles’ you’re a child you don’t know what you want”

“Now I’m a child? Was I a child a few minutes ago” Stiles said weakly pointing at the bed behind him. Derek was quiet for a moment.

“That shouldn’t have happened” Derek said coldly

“But it did. And it meant something Derek…that was love Derek. _You love me_ and _I love you._ You deserve to be loved. Whatever you need I can fix it _. I’m Stiles, I fix things_. Please don’t leave me."

Derek walked over and picked him up off the floor; he wiped Stiles’ burning cheeks that were saturated with tears. Stiles grabbed his shirt and bunched it up in his hands. “Don’t leave me, Derek I’ll do anything. I’ll…I’ll go with you!” he said looking up into Derek’s hazel eyes. “I know you can feel it. I’m not lying. Derek, I’ll go with you! I’ll leave this fucking place!”

 

Derek knew he wasn’t lying. But he couldn’t do that. Take Stiles away from his home, his father? He had friends, school. Beacon Hills was Stiles’ home. He was wanted here.

 “Stiles, you’re gonna have to move on. We can never be together, move on from me.” he unhinged Stiles fingers from his shirt and walked over to the window.  Stiles was a wreck. He couldn’t see past his burning tears and his heart was thumping in his ears.

“Derek, if you fucking leave, I swear if you fucking leave. I’ll…”

“Bye Stiles” Derek opened the window and climbed out. Stiles shot from the bed and rushed over the window and saw nothing. No Derek, no camaro. Nothing. Just the woods and the faint glow of the sun coming up.

Stiles couldn’t breathe; it was as if his heart had stopped. He braced himself on the windowsill and tried to catch his breath. Derek’s gone. _He left me. He never loved me. He used me._ “I’m so fucking stupid!” he shouted and kicked his desk over knocking all of its materials to the floor.

“I’m such a fucking idiot!” he picked his laptop off the floor and threw it into the wall, smashing it into large pieces. He ripped the sheets off his bed and threw them out the window. “I’m nothing to him! Nothing to anyone!” he pushed his book shelf over, it crashing loudly to the floor. Books scattered everywhere.

He picked up his Lycanthropy book and opened it, randomly tearing pages out the book. “Fuck! I’m fucking done. I’m fucking done! I can’t do this anymore!” he walked around the room tearing pictures and posters of the wall. He stopped at the picture of his mom. His stomach tightened and he vomited on the floor.

Stiles in his frenzy didn’t hear his front door open and the sound of someone running up the steps. Sheriff Stilinski burst through Stiles' door gun in hand looking around the room only to see his son violently vomiting. He put his gun back in its holster and slowly approached his son.

“...Stiles”

“Get the fuck away from me!” Stiles said looking up, eyes red and bulging with anger and misery, his entire body was shaking and he was tracking blood around the room. He had cut his foot on something on the floor.

Sheriff Stilinski had never seen his son like this, he had no idea what to do. He especially didn’t know what to do when Stiles charged past him, across the hall and into the bathroom. He chased after him and reached for the knob. The door was locked.

“Stiles! Stiles. SON! Let me in!”

He got no response. Instead this was a shattering sound of glass, then silence.

He stood back and prepared to run the door down until a raw scream filled the silence of the early morning.


	4. Maybe I Wished Our Love Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I wrote this chapter I listened to "How Could An Angel Break My Heart" by Toni Braxton. Saddest song EVER. I cried and everything! *Wipes tears* Stiles is running me dry! 
> 
> I've only editted slightly. So any typos and things you see are my fault. Sowwy.

Derek was digging through his suitcase looking for his toothpaste, quickly losing his patience. He was pretty sure he packed a tube before he left. He gave up on looking for it and slammed the suitcase shut. _The hotels toothpaste will just have to do._ Derek ran a long strip of the bland toothpaste over the hard bristles of the toothbrush and began brushing his teeth.

This was kind of a ritual for him. He went on autopilot as he brushed his teeth. This was a time to think things over, he never really had any time to himself to just sit back and ponder over things happening in his life. His mind b-lined straight for Stiles.

_I didn’t think Stiles would take me leaving so bad. He has family, and friends. I thought I was doing the right thing. He really fucking hates me....I was only looking out for him. If I-if we would’ve gotten too serious it would’ve ended badly. Well, guess that still happened..._

Derek’s fangs slid out and he began to brush the base of them. _Who was that fucking joke with him? Touching all over him. Stiles is MINE. Only I can touch him like that. I need to get him back. I love Stiles. He’s mine. Not his._ Derek could feel his eyes change and decided it was time to cool down a bit.

Food was also on his mind. He hadn’t eaten since he arrived to Beacon Hills. And he certainly wasn’t paying for the hotel food when he could just make whatever he wanted. Call him cheap. He showered and got dressed, swiped his keys off the small counter in the rooms mini kitchen and headed to the parking garage.

The hotel was just outside of Beacon Hills, so he decided to go to one of the local grocery stores. He knew he was only going into town in hopes of seeing Stiles, but he tried to tell himself that it was for the groceries too. When he arrived at the grocery store, the one closest to Stiles house, he noticed only a few cars were in the parking lot. But it wasn’t much of a surprise; Derek woke up pretty early and most of the human population planned on staying in bed on Sundays. Luckily for Derek, he's not human.

When he gets inside he goes directly to the meat aisle. He surveys the many different available meats until he decides on getting beef. He’d just make himself some cheeseburgers from scratch. He dumped the meat in his basket and headed for the aisle with bread. He froze when he smelt a familiar scent. _Him._ Derek dropped his basket and walked two aisles over.

He approached Gabe who was standing with two boxes of popcorn in his hands looking at both of them with a confused ogle.

Derek stood next to him and brought his eyes to the boxes, “Stiles hates anything that isn’t one hundred percent” he said smugly

Gabe shook his head and snorted putting both boxes back on the shelf.

“And exactly how would you know that?” he asked sarcastically

“Well, you know, I do know him better than you do” Derek said turning his head to look at Gabe, who was already glaring at him.

“Lets skip the bullshit _Derek_ , why are you here?” Gabe folded his arms and narrowed his eyes.

“You know why I’m here” Derek said looking over Gabe’s body quickly. He was slightly taller than Derek. His body was nice and toned, he clearly worked out. A strong, healthy man. But Derek could still rip him like a piece of paper.

Gabe jutted his head out and knitted his brows, “If it’s about Stiles you can forget about it, he’s with me. Someone who _actually_ cares about him”

Derek could hear the boys’ heartbeat kicking up a bit.

“He doesn’t love you”, Derek’s face was expressionless as he said it.

Gabe looked away quickly and then back.

 “Yes he does”. Derek could hear the uncertainty. 

“Look, how about you just leave, I’m sure you’re a nice guy and everything but I’m back now-“

“Dude, don’t fucking talk to me like I’m a child. I’ve had to put Stiles back together after the mess you made of him. So don’t come back here and expect everything to go back to how you left it.”

Derek looked away. When he heard Gabe preparing to leave he asked quietly, “What did Stiles do? …To himself I mean.” He looked up.

Gabe grabbed the extra butter box of popcorn and dropped it in his cart with the other things he had filled it up with. Jumbo marshmallows, pistachio ice cream, seven different types of chips, blueberry muffins…a bag of smoky flavored curly fries. Gabe looked at Derek and cocked his head as he started pushing the cart. “You ask him, you caused it”. And with that he turned to the next aisle.

Derek pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. He wanted to do nothing more than throw the younger man through every shelf in the store and force the answer out of him. But he couldn’t hurt Gabe. As badly as his wolf wanted to tear him to shreds, he couldn’t. He’d never get Stiles back that way.

 

 _How am I going to get close to Stiles with Gabe always around?_ He saw Gabe pass by the aisle again swiftly and grinned to himself. If he wanted a chance to speak to Stiles he’d have to move fast.

* * *

 Stiles was in the basement of the house laying out the movies and placing the snuggies down neatly in front of the big leather couches facing the wide projection screen. He and his dad had decided to turn the basement into a mini theatre since they really weren’t using it for anything. There were just a few dusty rugs sitting down there and a few boxes with old books before they pimped it out and renovated it. They had fun painting the wall,  it took weeks to fully get the matte black paint out their skin. They hired a local carpenter to do the flooring. Luckily the ceiling already had in ceiling lights. It was pretty decked out.

He stood back and looked over everything. Giant bowls for the popcorn and marshmallows, plates for the curly fires. He had the snuggies laid out. He had spread out a wide selection of movies. All action and thrillers. He couldn’t wait to watch the newest Bourne movie…again. No matter what Gabe said it was still awesome even though Matt Damon wasn’t in it. _Where is Gabriel? he should be back already._ He thought to himself.

Almost as if to answer his question he heard the basement door open, he went and plopped into his seat.

“About time! I was beginning to think you were still mad at me for forgetting to get ‘The Lion King’” he said

“He likes ‘The Lion King’?”

Stiles practically jumped out the chair and knocked over all the movies he had layed out.

“Derek what the fuck are you-how did you get in?” he half yelled then covered his mouth remembering his dad was upstairs sleeping. He deserved all the rest he wanted after catching the crook who was breaking into people homes and stealing their jewelry.

Derek came up close to him and he took a step back. “Why are you here?”

“I needed to see you” Derek said taking another step closer; causing Stiles to take a step back.

Stiles clenched his hands into fist. “Well you’ve seen me…now go” he lifted his head to seem more confident.

“Stiles you don’t mean that” Derek took another step forward. Stiles shivered, Dereks eyes seemed to be looking into his soul. Seeing everything Stiles was trying to hide. How scared he was, how much he wanted this to stop, he much he didn’t want it to. He took another step back, he finally connected to the wall. “Derek….just… _don’t_ ”

Derek crowded Stiles putting his hand on the wall beside his head and bent in close, “Stiles…I’m sorry”

“Derek…I’m…no” he tired to push Derek’s chest to move him away but the werewolf didn’t budge. Derek ran his other hand across Stiles’ face as he looked fiercely into his eyes. “I’m sorry for what I did. I was wrong”, he leaned in closer.

Stiles knew Derek could hear his heartbeat beating heavily. Not swiftly, but slow and hard pumps. He jerked his face away from Derek’s touch.

“Derek don’t, don’t touch me. You lost that right. I gave you my body and you destroyed it. I trusted you.”

“Stiles I told you I didn’t know…fuck Stiles…I didn’t mean to hurt you!” his eyes flashed red. “I left to save you, to help you and everyone else!”

Stiles frowned and stepped directly into Derek looking him eye to eye. “Derek you left for _you,_ you were scared of the love I had for you. Don’t make this seem like it’s my fault”, he scrubbed his face with his hands, “This is _your_ fault!” he could feel his body shaking with anger. He felt a strong hand grab his wrist and lift it up.

“No Stiles! YOU did _this_ ” Derek pulled Stiles’ sleeve down and shook his arm. Stiles looked away.  “Get off me” he whispered.

“No. You can blame me for a lot of shit. Ok, fine. I broke your heart. I’ll accept and own up to that. But you, you did this-fuck- Stiles you’re not even the type to do this. Do you know this breaks my heart?”

“Get the fuck off me Derek” Stiles said his voice trembling. He felt his throat swelling up.

“Why Stiles? Why did you do this?

“Please let go”

“Tell me why Stiles!” Derek said grabbing Stiles face to turn it to face his. Stiles broke.

‘Because I wasn’t myself! I had to fucking let the pain out Derek! I had to get that fucking burning feeling out of me. Have you ever felt lost inside of _yourself_? Have you ever fucking watched yourself crumble from the inside? Seeing yourself on the outside? I was drowning. It was TOO FUCKING MUCH FOR ME DEREK” he snatched his wrist away.

Derek backed away like a flame just ignited in front of his face. Stiles was different. He didn’t hide his feelings with humor, or silence anymore. When he felt it he gave it to you full force. Derek shook his head.

“Stiles…that’s not my fault. I…I didn’t make you do that. You did that.”

Stiles rubbed his wrist before speaking, quietly this time.

“I gave you my body; I’ve never shared myself like that with anyone. I trusted you. You asked me if I fucking trusted you, and I did. I gave you my body and you used me, and didn’t think twice. You took a piece of me with you when you left Derek Hale!” Stiles was crying again. Derek looked like a lonely sick kitten, almost as if seeing Stiles like this was worse than injecting wolfsbane into his blood stream.

“Stiles I never meant to hurt you. I love you”

“No! No! I hate you! You don’t give a fuck about m-” Derek lunged forward and frantically grabbed Stiles pulling him in and kissing him. Stiles was fighting, punching Derek’s chest and kicking his legs but Derek kept kissing him, holding him tight and close.

Suddenly he stopped fighting, his body falling into Derek’s embrace. He grabbed at the back of Derek’s head and pulled him in closer, kissing back into Derek’s lips with force, _hope_ , _love_ , _pain_.

 The burn of Derek’s stubble rubbing against his face awoken something in him. The smell of Derek’s leather jacket, the feel of his hands gripping his waist. He gripped tighter when he felt his own tears slicking Derek’s face. Something deep inside him ignited, he shivered and moaned into the bruising kiss.

They kept kissing until they had to break apart for air. Stiles let out a shivery breath as he dropped his head onto Derek’s shoulder.

“I fucking hate you” he whispered, "I hate you".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so before I wasn't sure about where I had gone with this chapter but now I do know. I looked at it from a REAL perspective. If this actually happened, with how possessive and instinctual Derek is, he wouldn't have been able to keep himself away from Stiles for too long. And Stiles would be angry but he wouldn't be able to deal with Derek being gone for so long and then coming back. He wouldn't just shrug Derek off. Extreme want would be there. 
> 
> I have an idea on where the story will go now, but things may change. That's writing for you. ^__^


	5. Your Love Wasn't Enough

After the kiss Derek and Stiles stood together in silence, until Stiles shook his head and slipped from under the werewolf. Derek went to reach for his arm but he moved out the way. Stiles wiped his eyes and lifted his hands in the air.

“Derek, we’re not going to do this, I’m not going to do this.” He sniffled,

Derek shook his head and reached out running his thumb lightly across Stiles’ bottom lip. Stiles stepped back and frowned. This wasn’t right. He was with Gabe, someone who he knew would never hurt him, Gabe loved him. He wouldn’t be able to return the feeling. But just maybe…he could try.

“You have to go-…”

“Stiles don’t act like this isn’t right. You’re lyi-…”

Stiles sighed heavily. “When I tried to let you know it  _was_  right you-”

“I wasn’t ready for that Stiles! You can’t blame me for not being ready, I was scared. I was terrified. The only people who loved me were my family, and I lost them. Then it was just me and Laura…” Derek paused. “I only ever loved them and her…and then they were all gone.”

Stiles folded his arms and licked his lips. He and Derek had gone through this before. He would tell Derek how much he loved him, Derek would bring all his walls up and they wouldn’t get anywhere. He couldn’t help but to think this time it was him. But things couldn’t just change. He didn’t love Gabe, but some feelings were there right? He wasn’t with Gabe for just any reason.

“Derek, my love should’ve been enough” Stiles said coldly. Derek’s jaw clenched before he spoke

“Well it wasn’t Stiles! I don’t think you’re understanding that your love was  _hurting_  me, every time you looked at me it felt wrong, all I could see was my family…burning in your eyes” Derek said pointing to himself. Stiles gaped and shook his head.

 

“Derek wha-…” The door to the basement slammed shut and they both turned around to the sight of Gabe. He was soaking wet, his orange shirt sticking to his body showing off his toned body. His usually soft, short, tousled blonde hair was drenched and flat. His hands were balled into fist at his side and he was breathing heavily.

“You fucking slashed my tires!” He shouted in Derek’s direction. Derek looked over to Stiles and shrugged his shoulders. Gabe walked quick and powerfully towards Derek, grabbed his jacket collar and shoved him up against the hard wall of the basement.

“You slashed my tires so you could come here after I told you to stay away?!” he pulled his hand back and was obviously about to try and smash Derek’s face in before Stiles grabbed his arm and pulled him away. He pushed Stiles away from him and looked between him and Derek.

“Your lips are red, and…fuck. You didn’t.” he said sadly. Stiles didn’t have time to say anything between the time Gabe turned and punched Derek in the jaw. Derek stumbled back and rubbed at his jaw. Gabe wrenched his hand back and shook it.

“What the fuck! What do you have like metal plates in your face? Shit!” Stiles jumped in between the werewolf and the naive man before Derek could get his hands on him. Gabe grabbed Stiles and turned them away from Derek. “You fucking kissed him didn’t you?”

Stiles exhaled and shook his head “I…we-”

Gabe shook his head, getting water on Stiles’ face as he interrupted.

“Stiles I’m not mad at you, just fucking disappointed.” Stiles brows knitted together. How could Gabe not be mad at him? He was the one who did wrong. He kissed Derek back. They both looked over to Derek when they heard him clear his throat.

Gabe stood up straight and cracked his knuckles, “Dude it hurts, but I’ll gladly snuff you again if you don’t leave”.

Derek raised his brows and looked over to Stiles almost as if to say ‘I’m gonna bite his face off if you don’t get him away from me’. Stiles took the hint and grabbed Gabe pulling him to his side. Derek nodded and turned away before stopping in his tracks.

 

Sheriff Stilinski was standing at the bottom of the steps looking at all of them with a grim look on his face. Stiles heart almost came up his throat and out his mouth. A month after Derek left he had told his dad everything. Everything. About the werewolves. Derek and his relationship.  Everything. His dad swore he’d never go back to work and that he would home school him if he didn’t tell him what drove him to his attempted suicide. So Stiles gave in.

He didn’t think his father would believe him when he told him about the werewolves but he did. Deep down somewhere inside he knew he would. Everything he told his father solidified when he made Scott come over and change in front of him. This also made Scott come out to his mom. Well…about him being a werewolf. It took their parents awhile to adjust but they did.

 

Sheriff Stilinski stepped off the bottom of the steps and gestured from Gabe to the steps.

“Go”

“But John, sir, I-”

“Gabriel go upstairs!” he yelled. Gabriel glowered at Derek before sulking up the steps and closing the door behind him. Stiles lips moved to explain but his father gave him a deadly glare signaling for him to keep his mouth shut. Stiles dropped his head and fiddled with his hands. Derek closed his eyes and exhaled

“Mr. Stilins-”

“Derek I swear if you say another word I’ll shoot a hole through your body” the sheriff promised. Derek shut his mouth but kept his eyes on the sheriff.

“You know, I’ve been playing over and over again what I would say to you if I ever saw you again. And it never got further than me filling you with bullets.” He kept a deadly leer on Derek.

“Do…do you know what you did to my son? I’m not even going to discuss how you raped him” Stiles head sprung up, “Dad!”

“STILES! Quiet!.”

Stiles couldn’t. “He didn’t rape me! That’s not what happened!”

“Stiles you were underage and the consensual age in Beacon Hills is seventeen. You were sixteen”

“Dad!”

Derek turned to Stiles and shook his head. The Sheriff continued.

“You took advantage of my son and made him do unspea-”

“I didn’t  _make_  him do anything.” Derek said firmly. The sheriff walked until he was only inches from Derek.

“Oh?”

“Dad this is enough.” Stiles chimed in. The sheriff analyzed Derek’s face before stepping back.

“You ever step foot in this house again and I’ll fill your chest up with wolfbane laced bullets.” Derek looked quickly at Stiles then back to the sheriff. The sheriff speaking about wolfsbane clearly was a shock to him. “You’re not to see Stiles  _ever_  again. That boy upstairs would never do the things you did, and he loves Stiles. And Stiles loves him.” Stiles averted his eyes to the floor and tensed.

“Now get out of my house”. Derek looked at Stiles who wouldn’t look his way then to the sheriff before nodding, walking up the steps and leaving.

No one said anything until the sound of Derek’s car driving away could be heard.

Stiles started first.

“He didn’t rape me”, the sheriff scoffed

“Why are you defending him? Do you not remember the weeks of therapy and nightmares? How you would wake up screaming? Leaving in the middle of the night and going to the Hale house? Hoping he’d be there?” His dad was enunciating every word he said as if Stiles would miss them if he didn’t.

“Dad I remember.” Stiles whispered

“THEN WHY.ARE.YOU.DEFENDING.HIM?” the Sheriff shouted jabbing Stiles in the chest.

“I.STILL. _LOVE_.HIM. DAD” Stiles returned the jabs, the sheriff stumbled back and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I don’t understand…this is…I shouldn’t have to say this to you”, He sighed and looked at Stiles with a livid stare

“You will not see him. You will not call him. I will have my deputies checking to make sure you don’t get within fifty feet of him”. Stiles shook his head.

“You can’t do that.” he said softly

“Stiles honestly  _what the hell is wrong_  with you? You have Gabriel upstairs who would probably put his life on the line for you I’m not-” he was interrupted by Stiles.

“Ok! You’re right! Fine! I won’t see him again. I don’t even want to. How many fucking times do I have to tell the fucking world that I’ve moved on?!!”

His father looked at him wide eyed, “Don’t use that language with me, if you’ve moved on and you actually care about yourself you’ll stay away from that bastard. Don’t just say it. Prove it.”

 Sheriff Stilinski rubbed his face tiredly and walked back up the steps. Stiles ran his fingers through his hair tugging on it in frustration before turning and kicking the rest of the dvd’s off of the foot rest he was using as a surface. He turned around his face red and a heavy frown brandishing his face. He thought the door opening was his dad back to bash him more but it was Gabe. He sat on the floor leaning against one of the chairs bringing his head down to rest on his knees.

“I really don’t feel like talking or seeing anyone”

“Then we don’t have to talk. And don’t look at me” he heard Gabriel say as if his request wasn’t abnormal. He felt the couch shift a bit on his back and a warm damp presence next to him. He groaned as he leaned over and rested his head on Gabe’s damp shoulder. After a few moments he broke the silence.

“I’m sorry, for…you know.”

He could feel Gabe’s shoulder rise and fall with a heavy exhale of breath.

“I said its ok. Let’s not even talk about it”.

Stiles nodded and closed his eyes nuzzling his head to find comfort on the muscular shoulder. He closed his eyes and all he could see was Derek’s face, the moonlight reflecting off of the hollows of his cheek bones, clouding over his iris's causing an illusion of silver eyes.

 

_Do you trust me?_


	6. I Wear Your Sparkle

“So, you’re gonna call me before you go to bed right?”

Stiles nodded and forced a small smile to Gabe who was standing on the porch. He usually stayed overnight with Stiles but tonight he needed his space. The whole situation with his Derek and his dad was a lot to deal with. On top of Gabe clearly knowing that he had kissed Derek, he really just needed some space to put things together. So Gabe was going to stay at his own place for the night.

“Call me before you go to bed?” Gabe asked again, biting his lip

“Yeah…sure” Stiles said keeping the smile on his face

“Alright, love you” Gabe said leaning in stealing a quick kiss on Stiles forehead and heading to his car, that obliviously had a new front tire. Stiles’ smile quickly fell into an exhausted expression. He shut the door and began walking up the steps quietly. He was pretty sure his dad was back in his room. He was hoping that he was sleep so he wouldn’t have to deal with him. He couldn’t make it through anymore arguing. He was emotionally drained. Somehow Derek always managed to make him feel like this. Drained, tired. Whether it was loving him too much, or worrying about him. _Fucking Derek._

He eached the platform of the second story and walked past his dad’s room as quick as possible to avoid anymore confrontation. He wouldn’t have to deal with this if he had his own place. But after his…accident, he had been in and out of therapy sessions, never left his room. He was on multiple different types of medications to balance out his mood. He didn’t have it in him to deal with that and carry a job. He had just filled out a few applications, but that was the exact day Derek showed back up.

 Stiles was just about to open the door to his room when he heard a clearing of the throat. He looked behind him to see his dad standing in the doorway of his bedroom with his arms folded. He looked sad, and Stiles could tell he was about to apologize, well, the way his dad knew how to apologize. He really didn’t think he’d be able to handle anymore.

“Dad I…I just want to shower and sleep.”

“Stiles…I’m sorry, I saw Derek and I just. Took it out on you and I just…I’m sorry.” His dad said his voice wavering. Stiles shook his head lightly and walked over to embrace his father. He couldn’t imagine what it must have been like for his father to see him in the state he was in. For him to be worried about losing another person; his son. They didn’t have anyone else but each other.

His held back the on coming tears and patted his dad on the back. “I’m sorry; I wasn’t thinking straight, you’re right. I’m…you were right”.

 

Stiles’ dad looked like he wanted to speak again but he just nodded and stepped back into his room shutting the door. Stiles walked to his bedroom door opening it and heading straight for the bed. He flopped down on the bed, shut his eyes and exhaled. He balled up his left fist and frantically ran his other hand through his hair when he felt a cool draft breeze through his room. He exhaled and looked straight up at the ceiling.

“You’re not supposed to be here…” he said

“I couldn’t…”  Stiles leaned up off his bed and looked at his door where Derek must have been hiding when he walked in. He looked nervous and troubled, as if something was bothering him. It had been two years since Stiles had seen him but he still knew Derek’s slight facial changes like the back of his hand.

“Derek, you were supposed to leave, why are you-”, Derek stepped forward and raised his hand silencing Stiles.

“Do you…do you think I _raped_ you?” Stiles raised his brows and shook his head. Derek looked directly at him with an unconvinced stare. “Stiles I…what happened that night”

 Stiles jumped out of the bed a few feet away from Derek. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He never would have thought Derek would come to him with this. Not this. He looked down and away from Derek before speaking.

“Derek, like you said. I can blame you for a lot of things…for you being impossible to speak to, for being so guarded, untrusting…sometimes even fucking selfish. But…that. You didn’t do that.” Stiles said confidently. Derek took a deep breath and rubbed his palms against his jeans quickly.

“I don’t Stiles…I don’t know if that’s true I…you were too young and I…you didn’t know what you wanted”, Stiles looked up eyes blazing. He was sick of hearing that. He didn’t want to hear that anymore.

“You know…everyone is quick to speak highly of my intelligence." Stiles said with a wry smile. "To discuss how _smart_ I am. ‘ _Stiles the honor student, extremely talkative and easily distracted, but well rounded and knowledgeable about whatever he’s babbling about’_."

Derek exhaled, not daring to pull his attention away from Stiles.

"But for some fucking reason, when it comes to my relationships; that goes out the window” Stiles smirked at the irony and rubbed his cheeks. They were burning.

“When it came to you, I was suddenly a child again, unable to rationalize, and make choices. That I was blind with love. Derek you know that’s a lie.”

Derek licked his lips and finally spoke, “Stiles, our thing...it wasn’t right.” Stiles could have burst out laughing but he chuckled instead not wanting to possibly alert his father.

“Our _thing_ Derek? So what, now you _want_ to believe that you took advantage of me? That ‘stupid Stiles the dumbass’ got caught up in a little crush and lost all his senses? That I had no idea what I was getting myself into? That I was little Red and you were the big bad wolf? That you raped me Derek?”

 

Derek looked away and clenched his jaw. “That’s not what I said…”

Stiles could see his thoughts going a mile a minute.

“Regardless of anything you say, you and I made love that night. That was only two years ago, and I feel exactly the same…about…what happened. I gave myself to you and you gave some of yourself to me. My dad said what he said to hurt you, and it’s not like you don’t deserve some hurt. But not like that… _that_ was wrong.”

 

Derek looked back at him and nodded, clearly accepting what Stiles was saying as true. Stiles looked away when Derek looked at him like that, soft eyed and open, he wanted to run over and embrace Derek, to let him know that what he had been feeling was wrong. To take the hurt away from him. But he couldn’t, not after everything. How could he take someone else hurt away when he was still hurting?  He always put everyone before himself. That’s what had gotten him here in the first place. He softened his intent look and rubbed his neck. He never got to ask his question earlier.

“When you said, that my love was hurting you…what did you mean?” he asked, Derek looked up at him and Stiles saw the shift in his eyes, the way his body stiffened. The familiar wall had gone up. The way Derek’s body tensed slightly. They weren’t going to get anywhere. They _shouldn’t_ get anywhere. But it was so frustrating, Derek comes back and tries to force himself into his life, then chooses when he wants to be open about his feelings.

“Stiles, I should go. Don’t worry about that. It was nothing”

“It was _something_ , tell me Derek”, Stiles was shaken when Derek frowned and looked irritated

“Why do you even care Stiles? You’ve made it pretty clear that you don’t want me. My feelings shouldn’t concern you” he moved towards the bedroom window before being stopped by Stiles pushing back on his chest.

“You don’t get to fucking pick and choose when you show me your feelings, no, not after everything”

“I shouldn’t have come back here…but what your dad said. I just needed to make sure. I’m leaving now”

“No you’re not…Derek you’re doing it again!” Stiles said loudly but not loud enough for his dad to hear, he was probably asleep anyway.

“Stiles move”

“No…I…Derek. I…” Stiles pulled Derek in and kissed him, frantically running his fingers through the werewolf’s thick dark hair and pulling him impossibly closer.  His lips were searching and pulling for a response but couldn’t find one. Derek wasn’t kissing him back.

“Derek kiss me…kiss me back… _please_ ” Stiles said pulling at Derek’s collar as he kissed harder. Derek grabbed Stiles’ wrist and pulled his hands off, lightly pushing him away. “Stiles…stop”

“No, I don’t care anymore Derek, I want you. I never stopped wanting you”, Stiles pulled his shirt off and threw it to the floor. He reached and tried to remove Derek’s jacket but his hand were stopped by Derek grabbing his arms.

“Stiles, stop this”

“Please kiss me Derek, I’m…I’m sorry I just need-.” Derek shook him and looked in his eyes sternly. Stiles could feel his own heart beating frantically and his knees getting weak, he knew how pitiful he looked, but Derek couldn’t leave him again. He wouldn’t let him.

“Derek I don’t give a fuck about any of them I only want you, _just you_ ”, Derek closed his eyes and exhaled. When he opened his eyes Stiles saw something that scared him, it terrified him.

Derek’s eyes were filling with tears, and they were red, not alpha red, but sad red, full of pain. Regret, _guilt_. In all of the time Stiles knew Derek he had never seen him cry, never shown a sign of weakness. Derek was the strong dominant alpha. With no Achilles' heel, he could handle anything. His family had been burned alive, nothing was worse than that. Nothing could break him. _Nothing but…_

 Derek pulled Stiles in close against his chest and embraced him. His voice was wrecked and pained as he spoke.

 

“Stiles…I really fucked you up…I’m sorry...I’m so sorry”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I write, I make sure I'm realistic with what I'm writing. And with the amount of trauma and hurt Stiles went through, it only makes sense for him to react this way to Derek being back. People who go through the pain of love usually always go back whether its good for them or not. Being desperate and wanting is expected. 
> 
> I think Derek is finally seeing how badly Stiles was effected by what happened.
> 
> Oh yeah and I'm on tumblr! http://sexysouralpha.tumblr.com/


	7. Chapter 7

It had been a few days since Derek had seen Stiles. He'd decided to take a step back and look at the situation before him. Stiles was different now, he wasn't the same hyperactive little shit that Derek had known him to be. His one strong unyielding wall of confidence was gone as well.

 The Stiles he knew, the Stiles he  _thought_  he left behind when he went to New York wasn't there anymore. And he'd have to act as such. 

 

He had thought that he'd just be able to come back and claim what was his. Surely Stiles would be waiting for him. But when Stiles had rejected him and turned him away for Gabriel, claiming to have moved on he had moved to his next plan which involved taking. So that's what he did, he pushed Stiles up against the wall and kissed him, reminding him of what it felt like. To show him that he did want this. That he wanted Derek.  Stiles had even kissed him back, and at the moment it felt right, until he told Derek he hated him. 

 Derek heard the stutter in his heart beat, he knew it was a lie. But that didn't change the fact that Stiles had said it; said it as if he wished that he  _actually could_  hate Derek. The lie was true, but Derek couldn't help but to think that the thought was true as well.

 But he pushed it to the side when Gabe had interrupted. Coming inside soaking wet and furious, the flicker of his eyes from Derek to Stiles was enough for Derek to know that Gabe knew what had happened between them just moments before he walked in. But he had decided to address Derek instead.

 

Stiles' father coming downstairs didn't make it  _any_  better. The initial shock of him appearing was enough to make him quiver a bit, but the fiery look of disdain he was given, made everything that much worse. It showed him how truly.... _fucked up_ he had left things. 

 The sheriff threatening him had been one thing, but the fact that Stiles had told him about the werewolves and fact that they had sex had caused his heart to stutter. The Stiles he knew would never in a million years tell his father about all the supernatural things happening in Beacon Hills. The Stiles he knew would have taken it all to the grave.

 Obviously that wasn't the case anymore. So with the sheriffs threat he left. 

 He honestly did. 

 

Until what the sheriff said played over in his head. 

_"..you raped him"_

_"You took advantage of my son"_  

It had been so new, so unexpected. The dominant voice in his head told him to ignore the sheriff's words. To let them roll of his shoulder, because he knew he didn't rape Stiles. He didn't take advantage of him. But the smaller voice in his head spoke to him with more conviction, telling him that he  _did_  rape Stiles. That he  _did_  take advantage of him. 

 The small voice was relentless. For something so soft, so low, it easily over powered the louder voice until all he could hear was multiple small voices, whispering through the many cracks and crevices of his mind, clouding his conscious until he had to pull over the car and calm himself. 

 He tried speaking to himself. Telling himself that  _he was fine_  that  _he didn't take Stiles_  and he needed to, for a lack of better words,  _cut it the fuck out._ But of course he lost to the smaller self, being unsure of his own character. So he turned the car around,

 

If he was going to feel this way, he needed to feel this way because the person who he had allegedly "taken advantage" of said so. 

 Derek liked to tell himself that New York had changed him for the better. That he had actually gained some type of development of character. The sheriffs words shouldn't have even able to do this to him. But yet, here he was driving back in the direction of Stiles' house. 

 He parked a few houses down and ran the rest of the way. When he got close to the Stilinski house he could hear them speaking inside. 

 

_"....Just want to shower and sleep"_

_"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking straight"_

 He made his way around the house and climbed quickly through Stiles' window before the door opened and stood adjacent from it.  Just then the younger man stumbled through, yes man, Stiles wasn't a boy anymore, and flopped on to his bed. It was just a few seconds before he made it known that he was aware of Derek's presence.

 That's when Derek confronted him about what his father had said.

_"Do you...do you think I raped you?"_

_“Derek, like you said. I can blame you for a lot of things…for you being impossible to speak to, for being so guarded, untrusting…sometimes even fucking selfish. But…that. You didn’t do that.”_

 That should've been enough for him. At that he should've accepted what Stiles had said and moved on. But again his insecurity got in the way and he questioned him again. Telling him that he couldn't have possibly known the decision he was making. Derek  _knew_  he was wrong saying this. But his brain to mouth filter was jammed.

  _“You know…everyone is quick to speak highly of my intelligence. To discuss how smart I am. ‘Stiles the honor student, extremely talkative and easily distracted, but well rounded and knowledgeable about whatever he’s babbling about’. But for some fucking reason, when it comes to my relationships; that goes out the window”_

 Stiles' words had left him speechless. The aggravated assertion in his eyes as he spoke ensnared Derek.

  _“When it came to you, I was suddenly a child again, unable to rationalize, and make choices. That I was blind with love. Derek you know that’s a lie.”_

 They bantered a bit more after that, with Stiles helping Derek come to the realization that he hadn't raped him. 

 

And then..

 And then Stiles had asked him about what he meant. What he meant when he had said that Stiles' love was hurting him. And Derek just didn't want to go there. Not yet, he didn't deserve to talk about his feelings. Mentioning it had been wrong before, he had no right. Stiles was the only one who deserved to be hurt, to express and react to what he was feeling. And he had stayed too long as it was. So he told Stiles he was leaving.

 And Stiles  _reacted_. 

 Grabbing him by his collar and wrenching him into a kiss, the kiss wasn't what Derek wanted. It wasn't sweet, it wasn't soft. It was aggressive and desperate. Too harsh and too heavy. The kind of kiss pornstars gave each other, with all the intent there but none of the actual feeling...or love.. Not what he wanted. Then Stiles began begging and pleading for him to kiss him back. He  _fucking_  started taking his clothes off. So Derek stopped him.

 He grabbed his wrists and stopped him.

 _“Derek I don’t give a fuck about any of them I only want you, just you”_ he said. It wasn't a lie. And that was a problem.

 

Derek didn't like this. Stiles using his body to lure Derek in. The kissing, the taking his clothes off. Ok, so Derek  _didn't_ rape him. But the sexual advancements were starting to bother him. How easily Stiles was willing to give himself to Derek again. Even after talking about what Derek leaving had put him through.

 Derek knew Stiles still wanted him. The change of his heartbeat when he and Derek were in the same room was the same as before. The faint smell of arousal filling the room was the same as well. But this person Stiles had become in his absence.. _because_ of his absence isn't what he wanted. 

 Seeing this broken person in front of him. Bearing a broken soul and offering it up again, to possibly be wrecked again  _bothered_ him. It  _angered_ him to know that this was his fault. That he had done this. This wasn't his Stiles. This was someone else. The shell of someone he once knew.

 

This isn't what he wanted. So he was going to take a step back and look at the situation before him. And figure out how to fix this. 

 

Figure out how to get  _his_  Stiles back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW IT'S BEEN FOREVER!
> 
> I just needed to push this fic to the side. This is the most complex fic that I'm writing and it requires a lot of thought. 
> 
> I'm glad to be starting it again.
> 
> For those who read almost all of my fics I am also going to be writing the prequel to Forgive Me. 
> 
> Leave comments! I love them!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stiles' depression gets the better of him.
> 
> This might be a little triggers for someone currently going through depression. I know I am and I poured it into this...so yeah.

"Thanks. I'm gonna uh, fill these out and bring them back on...Wednesday?"

The young girl at the information counter at the Beacon Hills community college smiled and nodded. "You got it, my names Michelle so if you need me I'll be here again on Wednesday. I'll get you all registered in the system and we can go on from there." She smiled and nodded again. Stiles thanked her and responded to her smile with a slight upturn of his lips and moved out of line. 

 

He made his way out the building keeping to himself and trying to avoid as many crowds as possible on his way to his jeep.

 

He wasn't in a smiling or speaking mood at all. He actually hasn't been for two years. It wasn't that he hasn't been happy for two years, but more of him having to dealing with a lingering sadness. A shadowing depression that sat at the back of his mind and never seemed to go away.   
His therapist had recommended a few things; like maybe taking up painting, or exercise, maybe even writing things out. But what was the point of it all when he had no motivation behind it?No  _will_.  
He would go on jogs with Gabe, the other man usually having to drag him out of bed and beg to him to come along but he did it. Not because he wanted to, but because he knew it'd make Gabe happy. His dad as well.

His therapist didn't like that report...

The therapy sessions he was involved in now weren't as...intense as the ones he had taken a year ago, but his dad had demanded that he continue on with it. So the meetings that were once scheduled for everyday became scattered throughout the month. 

He still had to take his anti-depressants. 

Which he was pretty sure his dad and Gabe would soon notice that he had stopped taking about a month ago. He didn't fucking like them. They tasted like shit and they made him put on weight; and they didn't really make him happy. They just made him numb. So instead of feeling sadness he just felt...nothing. 

 

Stiles started the jeep and pulled out of the parking area. He had decided from the moment he left the house that he wanted to go to the park. To see the small children play on the jungle gym and shriek excitedly when one of them almost got tagged. The local college just happened to be nearby so he made a quick stop. 

Children made him happy. Their innocence. Their extraordinary  _privilege_  to be completely naive and trusting of the world around them, save for 'strangers' and scary dogs. He had once been like that, everyone had. Even Derek. But there comes a point when it's taken. Innocence snatched from small, underdeveloped fingers and suddenly you're pushed into this world of...responsibility, and fear and drugs and porn and domestic abuse. And suddenly the world isn't so bright and colorful anymore.

It helped him to constantly be reminded that someone was genuinely and completely happy. To see  _someone_  at their best. And that would always be children.

 

All of his depression wasn't completely because of Derek. Which people like Scott, his father and even Derek himself couldn't seem to believe. Sure, Derek had been the catalyst for it. But every single thing that made Stiles' eyes suddenly go dead or body slump forward wasn't because of Derek leaving him. There were an array of things.

How his mother had just died. How one day she was here. And then the next day she was gone. Him having to fend for himself most of the time because his father was at work; something he wouldn't hold against him because it was something that kept his father on his feet. Something that helped him cope.

There was him not being where he should be in life right now. Where he  _wanted_  to be. How everyone else seemed to be moving ahead and he was still stuck. It was more than just heartbreak that was fucking with his spirit and soul.

 

Life just....it's not easy for Stiles. It's  _hard_  for him to be happy anymore. It was once so easy to cover up his hurt with a joke or quickly obliterate a frown when Scott made a stupid joke. But now, now he was just tired of pretending. He  _couldn't_  pretend. Tired of holding up a guise of  _'I'm fine'_  of  _'I'm ok'_. 

And the worst part is...he doesn't want help. The help doesn't do anything but make it all worse. Makes him want to snap in half and fall to the floor and cry and scream out his troubles and shortcomings and  _pain_. He doesn't want to be asked  _'Whats wrong?'_ , god...that  _fucking_  question. How does one answer that when  _everything_  is wrong? 

 

Before Stiles knows it he's driven past the park and is bearing the border of Beacon Hills. The tears in his eyes are burning and he's so fucking sick of crying to. Sick of everything in his life.

 

Stiles just wants to be left alone. No Derek. No dad. No Gabe. No Scott. 

He just...

 

He just wants it all to end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I'm commissioning fics.
> 
> So if you like my writing and would like anything, and I literally mean ANYTHING written by me just message me on Tumblr and we can work it out.
> 
> I literally have no source of income and it'd be awesome to get paid to write. ^__^


	9. Chapter 9

Stiles found himself out of Beacon Hills and in some small town a bit, out of the way of where he was from. Believe it or not he and his father had never really traveled far out of Beacon Hills or California even. 

When his mom had been alive they made frequent trips to New York to visit, but after her death it had just been to hard for everyone to look at everyone. And Stiles  _really_  hated that everyone talked about how much he looked like her. It hurt him so much because he knows. 

He has moments when he may look in the mirror for too long after a shower and he'll feel the air get sucked out of his body. Seeing her looking  _right back_  at him through his eyes. One would believe that's its comforting; buts far from it because she's not here. 

 

Stiles pulls into a decent looking Comfort Inn and shuts the ignition off. He digs in his pocket and sends a quick text to his dad.

_Just want you to know I'm ok. I'm fine. I just need time to myself._

He almost sends a text to Gabe but he's almost a hundred percent sure he'll get it at the exact moment his dad does. They've kind of become best buds since the first time Stiles brought him over. 

Stiles is glad he brought his credit card and his id with him when he ran out the door or he wouldn't have been able to get the hotel room he was apparently about to stay in.

 

He grabbed his wallet and got out of the jeep. Taking a deep inhale of the different air. The air that didn't belong to Beacon Hills, that had became thick and consuming; it was cool, airy,  _refreshing_. 

It's refreshing until he spots something that he's positive makes the air around him burning hot as his body radiates his frustrations from his building fury.

He watches the black Camaro pull into the lot of the hotel and grinds his teeth. No sooner than it parks he's storming over to the car and wrenching the front door open. "Derek, what the fuck are you doing here!?"

 

The werewolf looks at him with hands raised and the corners of his lips turne up just a bit. "I followed y-"

 

"No shit Sherlock! I'm miles away from Beacon Hills!  _Miles_! Why did you-"

Derek takes his key out and begins to stand up out of the car. Causing Stiles to take a step back though he really doesn't want to. 

"We have to sort this out Stiles. I have to make it up to you. Give me two weeks."

Stiles' jaw drops and he just stares at Derek.  _He's fucking unbearable, unbelievable, selfish._ "No way! No fucking-"

Derek shrugs "I'm not leaving Stiles. And I'll just follow you to another hotel or back to Beacon Hills."

Stiles is pretty sure he growls when he pushes into Derek's chest. "Go! Go  _away_! I told you we're done! I'm gone!"

Derek stumbles back as Stiles pushes him and ends up backed up against his car. "Stiles I'm not-"

Stiles smacks Derek in the face, as hard as he can muster. It's a...' _girly_ ' thing to do but punching would hurt him more than it would Derek; though his hand  _is_  stinging, but that's a given.

"Stay away from me." Is all he says as he pushes Derek deeper into his car again. 

 

"Fucking werewolf" is all he mutters as he power walks into the hotel. 

 


	10. Chapter 10

If Derek had to take a wild guess he would've said that, yeah, he knew  Stiles wouldn't be happy to see that he had followed him out of town. Which is the reason he had decided to stay a fairly great distance away from Stiles as he trailed behind him. 

When he honed in on the younger man he could scent out his despair, his burning frustration and sadness. It was ten times more pungent than it had been when he had...kept his eyes on Stiles as he entered and exited the local college so he just kept following him; even as he drove out of town.

Yeah, it was, weird. Or  _completely_  out of bounds for him to be following Stiles but he had to. He had to make sure the other man didn't do anything else rash or harmful to himself. Which is why he found himself relieved when he watched Stiles pull into the lot of a hotel. He had been a bit behind in traffic so he hadn't been able to pull in with him.

 

Not that it would change the reaction he was  _sure_  he would receive from Stiles. Which was anger.

 

He had barely parked his car before Stiles was standing next to the Camaro, fumbling with the handle before pulling the door open and shouting. 

_"Derek, what the fuck are you doing here!?"_

He had expected anger. An outburst. So he was  _mildly_  prepared to deal with Stiles the tyrant.

As he got out of the car he couldn't help the slight smirk that tugged at his lips to see how physically upset Stiles was. The heavy pink flush to his cheeks and the sheen of perspiration on his hairline; reminding him very much of the Stiles he knew before. The snarky, exceedingly sarcastic little shit that stole his heart. Not the crying, broken one he had created. It wasn't appropriate at all for the moment but New York will change every last one of your reactions to life's events.

 

They get into it like an old married couple outside of the Comfort Inn. And Derek won't lie and say that it doesn't bring an odd sense of satisfaction. Feeling like a couple, though Stiles is pushing him against the Camaro over and over again telling him that he's done. That they're  _over_. 

 

Which he had already accepted. He's accepted it since the day in Stiles' room when he began taking his clothes off. Using his body to try and get Derek to touch him. Damning everything and everyone else to hell. He hated that. 

At that moment he had decided that even if he couldn't be with Stiles he was going to at least try and set things right.

And it was clear that Stiles needed closure over the situation that had happened between them. Closure for his mom; something that he  _never_  dealt with.

Stiles  _needs_  closure and Derek knows that only he can give it to him. 

 

And then he gets smacked. And it  _actually_  hurts. Like a fiery sting across his face. And then Stiles yells at him to stay away as he storms off into the hotel.

 

Which Derek is definitely gonna follow him into.

 

-

 

Stiles is fuming and incredibly annoyed that Derek  _followed_  him. He had planned to stay here and just live with himself for awhile. Let his dad know he was okay, and stay here for about...'two weeks'.

He had simply wanted time to himself. Time to recuperate, pull himself together and then in time return back to Beacon Hills fully rested to take on the bullshit the universe threw at him. Unfortunately some of the most recent bullshit was waiting out- _well no_ , it was walking inside the hotel and standing beside him. He turned his  body away from the werewolf and leaned closer into the counter; swearing to himself that he wouldn't create a scene in the lobby. He wasn't a child anymore.

 

_Where was the fucking receptionist anyway?_

No sooner than he thought it, a dark haired woman came out the backroom connected to the inside of the counter. Her hair was done up in voluptuous curls, her eyes were a light brown with specks of green, the kind lighting of the lobby reflecting beautifully off of them. And her curvy full figure was definitely break-neck worthy.  

She was gorgeous.

"I'm so sorry 'bout the hold up!" She said with an honest smile, the country twang in her speech just added to her appeal. "I happened to spill my drink in the-oh never mind, how may I help you... _two?"_  


Stiles couldn't help but smile. She reminded him so much of his mom. If she had been just a few sizes smaller the comparison would've been frightening. His smile quickly fell when he replayed her question. 

"No. No, it's just me. I'm not...I'm not with him." He said in what he  _hoped_  was a cold tone. 

Stiles stiffened at the hand at his back and swiftly turned his head to look at the other male. "Derek what the f-"

"Oh come on hon, don't be like that."

  
_Hon?_  "Dere-"

Derek turned his eyes away from Stiles and to...Mirani, the name on the woman's name tag, and flashed her a smile. "He's...he's a little upset at me today. His car broke down, and it took me forever to get out of work. We'll just take one room with one be-"

Stiles pushed Derek away, from the corner of his eye he caught Mirani biting her bottom lip nervously. 

" _No_. We'll have  _separate_  rooms. And I'm not your hon' you  _ass_."

Derek sighed and rolled his eyes.  _Obviously New York changed his stale attitude._  


Stiles turned back to Mirani forcing a smile. "Please. My own room. Thanks."

-

After getting his room key and expeditiously escaping Derek; Stiles went into his room and flopped into the bed. Running over his entire day and his surprisingly spontaneous approach to his issues he had taken. Which didn't end in him harming himself.

  
_Progress_.

Stiles smiled to himself and was about to order room service when there was a knock on the door. 

"Go away Derek!"

When the knocking continued Stiles groggily lifted himself from the hotel bed and to the room door. All the fight gone from his body. "Derek what do y-"

There was no one standing outside of the door. And the hallway was only occupied by strangers loitering and people finding their rooms. 

Stiles whipped around when he heard the knocking again. Coming from  _inside_  his room.

Nearing the far corner of the room was a door. Besides the television, jostling with the knocks coming from it. 

_No way._

Stiles rushed over to the door and opened it finding exactly what he had hoped wasn't the case.

"We're connected...apparently" Derek laughed from the other side of the door, which connected to his own room.

 

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can't tell I'm trying to slightly lighten the fics mood. It's been a VERY emotionally draining journey. So I went for an oddly cheerier feel.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm commissioning fics.
> 
> So if you like my writing and would like anything, and I literally mean ANYTHING written by me just message me on Tumblr and we can work it out.
> 
> I literally have no source of income and it'd be awesome to get paid to write. ^__^
> 
> Oh yeah! I'm on Tumblr! <http://sexysouralpha.tumblr.com/>


End file.
